Ethical Dilemma Regarding Donations
My mother is in the advanced stages of dementia, and I am responsible for managing her finances, which includes making annual donations in her name. Recently, one of the aides who takes care of her requested that I make a donation to her church. Initially, I agreed, but upon researching the church, I discovered that it refuses to perform same-sex weddings and openly considers homosexuality to be a sin. As a gay man, I feel strongly against supporting any organization that does not support my identity. Although my mother’s funds are not my own, I find myself questioning whether it is morally right to deny the aide’s request. — Name Withheld
From the Ethicist:
Your role as a caretaker of your mother’s finances is to reflect her values and interests. In general, it is your responsibility to utilize her resources to support causes that you believe she would endorse, as long as these choices remain within reasonable limits. Under normal circumstances, you would have had the opportunity to discuss your concerns with her, articulating your personal reservations. Unfortunately, due to her current condition, you need to navigate this decision without her input.
If you are uncertain whether your mother would have wanted to contribute to this church, it is perfectly acceptable to reconsider and ultimately decline the donation. However, if you are confident that she would have wished to make this contribution, it is important to go through with it—not as a reflection of your own beliefs, but as an expression of hers.
It’s important to recognize that ethical objections to a potential recipient of funds can be quite common. Society is often divided over various contentious issues, with individuals on both sides holding strong ethical convictions against the other. I’m not suggesting that any donation is justifiable; rather, I am highlighting that if you don’t adhere to a very basic understanding of moral acceptability, you risk imposing your own views over hers. To your credit, you are clearly concerned about this potential overreach.
Furthermore, consider the broader impact of a church that may hold outdated views on homosexuality. Such a church could also be contributing positively to the community in various ways. For instance, like the official Roman Catholic Church—home to over 50 million members in the United States—it may encourage its followers to treat individuals with what the catechism refers to as “deep-seated homosexual tendencies” with “respect, compassion, and sensitivity.” Pope Francis, despite his limitations, has endorsed civil unions and condemned laws that criminalize same-sex relations.
Supporting an organization does not equate to endorsing every one of its policies. A recent survey from 2023 revealed that over two-thirds of U.S. Catholics support same-sex marriage. Most of us recognize that the political parties we align with often hold views we disagree with, including on significant issues.
Lastly, consider the nature of your relationship with the aide, as well as your mother’s connection to her. This individual dedicates her time and care to your mother’s well-being. Regardless of your final decision, it is crucial to ensure that she does not feel neglected or treated insensitively in the process.
