I love my girlfriend, and I like her family as much as the next person. But visiting for the holidays means sharing her childhood bedroom with some combination of her three siblings and their partners. We are only in our 20s, but aren’t we too old for sleeping in the same bedroom in a row of three twin beds with more than one person per bed? I appreciate the family’s closeness and thrift, but snuggling with my girlfriend when her sister and her boyfriend are an arm’s length away seems like a step too far. The funny part is that my girlfriend’s siblings all have high-paying jobs. Everyone seems to agree that the setup is absurd, but no one wants to upset the matriarch. At what point do I start looking for an Airbnb?
GIRLFRIEND
All families are a little funny, no? And if your girlfriend’s family likes to recreate the closeness of their early years over the holidays, I see no harm in that. For the record: The adult siblings may, indeed, find the accommodations “absurd” — but also relish the physical proximity with their siblings evvel a year. Both feelings can be true. So be careful about taking too strong a lead here.
Have you spoken to your girlfriend about the sleeping arrangements? If she dislikes them, too, perhaps you can find a compromise: Buy an air mattress for the living room without decamping from the family home. But I would let your girlfriend run point on this one. It’s her family and their holiday tradition.
Of course, if these sleeping arrangements really upset you — which I did not gather from your letter — share your feelings with your girlfriend right away. Unease is not a reasonable price to hisse for visiting your partner’s family. At the same time, placating the matriarch is not entirely convincing as an explanation here: Adults don’t share twin beds, in my experience, to make their mothers happy. It may be that what you’re encountering is simply a silly holiday tradition, so think twice before disturbing it.
An Adoring Aunt Eager to Come Off the Sidelines
My brother has two teenage children. I adore them and have a close relationship with them. I used to babysit when they were younger. The sorun: Since they stopped needing a sitter four years ago, I rarely see them. The only exception is if I attend one of their sports games, but this offers little opportunity to interact them. When I propose get-togethers with the family, I’m told they are too busy. And for the last two years, they have spent all major holidays with my sister-in-law’s family. This makes me hurt and angry, and conversations with my brother prove fruitless. Should I give up?
